Only the Good Die Young

This blog is result of emotions that have been milling in my head and heart for the last week. I've wanted to pour them out but haven't had the opportunity to do so. Never the right time, the right person. And I am slightly better at the written word than the spoken, so this seems like the best avenue to finally release these feelings.

I will probably never forget the moment I realized that Jason Shephard was dead. I walked into the building, and at the bottom of the stairs, was Steve. His face was white and his eyes black. He looked at me then glanced away, and I knew immediately what that meant.

I came upstairs and there was nobody in our cubicle. So I turned to the Internet and the news said the same thing Steve's expression did: they found Jason, who had been missing for two days, and he wasn't alive.

As I read the words from the Pennsylvania newspaper, my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I couldn't believe it, and that is when Steve came back to his desk and began to cry.

I sat limp in my desk not sure what to say or do next. Although I am an emotional person, I don't handle other's emotions well so I just sat there and watched the tears fall from his eyes. I couldn't cry, I wanted to, but I couldn't. I instead mouthed the words "I am so sorry" over and over.

He left and eruption of tears came from two cubicles over, Karla had found out. I found her and Crystal with red faces, drenched in tears. I sat with them and mourned the loss, but I still couldn't cry.

I later went back to my desk, but just sat there, not knowing what to do next. I would get up and find random co-workers who also wore the same red, tear-drenched faces Karla and Crystal did. I checked the news again later in the day and they had Jason's photo up. My heart broke into a million pieces, still no tears.

Steve got up from his desk often that day. He looked like a zombie. I told him to go home, but he didn't want to. Instead, we sat at our desks and he told me stories about Jason and the crazy things they would do. He told me about the time he met Jason's parents, and how Jason was going to go home with him to help farm. We talked for about an hour, then I had to leave. I didn't want to go, I wanted to be with Dak people, but other responsibilities needed to be taken care of.

I was chosen to judge Mr. SDSU that night, but my mind was not on the good-looking boys on the stage, it was on Jason, wondering what actually happened in Pennsylvania. That night Lucinda called me and told me how Jason died. I burst out into a fit of tears and shakes.

From that moment on, I have thought a lot about Jason and what happened to him. I had spoken to him only three or four times and we were barely acquaintances. But his death still had a major effect on me.

I didn't know Jason very well, but I was looking forward to getting to know him better. Next month, sports sales is moving to another building and we are going to be divided by regions. The map has me sitting between Steve and Jason. Although I complained about it, deep down I knew it would be fun sitting next to those two.

Since Jason's death, I realized what an amazing person he was from the outcry of devotion and love for him that is on Facebook and in the news. He was a young, cute man who had the whole world in front of him. He loved and was loved.

Jason was only on this Earth for 23 years, but he touched so many people's lives. He is an inspiration on how to live life. He lived it to the fullest and always welcomed people with open arms.

He makes me want to be a better person.

He didn't deserve this fate, no body deserves such a horrible and wretched death. But for some reason the good Lord decided this was the way Jason needed to go. I don't know why and I am not sure anyone will ever know why. The Lord needed Jason more than the Earth did.

His funeral is Sunday, but I don't think I will attend. Like I said, I barely knew him and I don't want to take the seat of someone who was close to Jason and is tragically affected by his death. However, I am going to send a card because I just want his parents to know how he has touched my life, someone he barely knew.

Jason's death has been another brutal reminder to live life to the fullest and not to take what you have for granted. And I don't plan to forget that anytime soon.


Rest In Peace, Shep. I wish I could have gotten to know you better.