Here's looking at you kid...

Sometimes I don't trust myself, well in fact, most of the time. There are two evident reasons of that this week.

One happened just today. In about a week, I leave for a week in the sun. It will be amazing for several reasons: A) No school. B) No Dak. C) No Collegian. D) No Brookings. Heck, I won't even be in the country!

I digress, anyway, in my pathetic attempt to begin packing early, I was looking for my sunglasses from Paris. Although the sunglasses have yet to appear from my landfill-like mess, I did find a journal that a friend gave me. I opened it up and opened to a journal entry on Aug. 22 2005. The journal entry was written about my boyfriend at the time and it talked about how I could love him for ever, I just didn't know if I wanted to. Then it talked about how I just am not sure if he is really the "one."

Fortunately, he isn't the "one" but it took me a looooooong time to come to terms with it when he said I wasn't the "one." Now he is getting married, and I am honestly happy for him. Deep down, I never wanted him to be my "one." Sure I wanted to be his "one" but in addition to a couple other guys. I am greedy like that.

Anyway, my other moment of clarity came Thursday. This week the executive editor of the Argus was on campus, talking to different classes. His lectures changed a bit, and I sat through about four of them, but they all had the same centralized theme: passion. He said he wants journalists who have a passion and have prepared themselves for life beyond the diploma. He gave specific examples that could have been about me. He talked about a college student, at a different university, who spent weekends and holidays working at the sports desk. Sounds familiar. Anyways, have the last session he was talking to my advisor and told her that he would hire me in a minute. Basically, if I want a job at the Argus, I just need to ask.

I have been busting my butt for four years, trying to give myself an edge in this highly competitive field, and I think it has paid off. I have always doubted myself as a journalist, but that day I realized I am good at this, not perfect, but good. I can succeed I just need to go after it.

So now here I am boyfriend less and jobless, but it's ok. The potentials for both remain optimistic. The next few months the job thing is going to be my number one priority, and then I think the boyfriend will follow. But now I just need to trust myself... I do know a thing or two about myself.

Glance from a Stranger

Ah, the day of love. Single people all around the world are supposed to despise this day, claiming it’s cruel of Hallmark to make the unattached lonelier than they already are.

Let me tell you a secret—I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. And I am actually happy that I get to spend this one single.

It would be lie if I said I wasn’t envious of the roses and boxes of chocolates that are swarming the office. But unlike previous years, I am not dwelling on the fact that I have no Valentine but actually celebrating it.

You see I have been on my own for a year now, and it feels pretty darn good. I do feel lonely at times and complain about stupid men, but truth is, I am blessed by single hood.

Sure, loneliness can get the best of me, especially when I see how happy exes are with someone else. Not that I want to be that someone else, but I want to have someone else too. But I have learned a neat little trick that has gotten me through those moments of lapse: I think of the future.

Past boyfriends always felt like a settlement, not a dream come true. With everyone ounce of my faith in my body, I believe there is a dream out there for me—it’s just not the right time for it come to true. And when it does, it will be better than anything I had and everything I had imagined.

In the next few months, I am going to embark on some of the biggest changes of my life. I will be moving (as to where, I don’t know so don’t ask), getting job, finding new friends and completely starting over. And I found that these changes and decisions I must make are better on my own. Why? Because I know myself and I know that I would let some boyfriend influence my decision even if it isn’t what I really want. Now I have no influences, just dreams. And I can chase them without second thoughts, without regrets. That is a great feeling to have.

I was walking to class the other day and noticed a man walk diagonally. For some reason, his height caught my attention (he was rather tall), then his well-groomed appearance. He was cute and he glanced at me, knowing in a few moments our paths would cross. When we did meet, he looked me directly into my eyes and said hello. I didn’t know him, in fact, I had never seem him before. But there was something about that moment. (I know I sound like a cheesy romance movie, but here me out). That half a second eye exchange showed me that there are thousands of possibilities for love in my life. I am not sure why a stranger’s glance game me revelation, but it did. Someone some day is going to make me happy, and I think moments like this are God’s way of telling me so. It’s just a feeling I get.

So today, I am glad I am single because I know that I won’t always be single, and that to me, is worth the wait. Plus, I get to have fun with my friends today, which means more to me than anything especially at this point in my life.

Tonight, in the spirit of the holiday, I will hate Valentine’s Day and singledom. I will drink with bitterness and complain about failed relationships and awful Feb. 14s. But most of it will be pretend remorse, because I am really not that hateful of this day or exes. Just don’t tell my friends.