The good kind of scared

We often associate being scared with negative feelings or situations, but sometimes that isn’t always the case. A good kind of scared exists.

It can hit you when you have your first child. Or are walking down an aisle that the love of your life is standing at the end of. Or, in my case, graduating from college.

Tonight is a monumental ending—my last Collegian, ever. That paper has been my heart and soul for four years, and I have never invested so much time and energy into something. At times, I wanted to quit, but I am glad I never did. I love that paper and it will probably be one of my fondest memories of SDSU.

But the endings continue on Saturday when I graduate from South Dakota State. Wow, even four days away from the event and that fact still shocks me.

As I was walked into The Union yesterday, I began to tear up. In a few short days I will no longer be an SDSU student, and in a few short weeks, the place I called home for the last four years will no longer be home. That is quite a transition.

Unlike many of my fellow classmates, I am lucky enough to say I have a job for after May 5. A couple of weeks ago, I accepted a job at the Idaho State Journal in Pocatello, Idaho. A town that is 4.6 times bigger than my hometown. A town that is more than 16 hours away from my family and friends. A town where I don’t know a single person.

When I came to SDSU, I knew people from high school and my hometown. I knew people from other towns that I met through a variety of activities. All it took was a phone call and I could see a familiar face in five minutes. That won’t be the case in Pokey.

I will be on my own, living on my own. I am leaving ALL of my friends and family behind. And it scares me to death.

But this is the best type of scared. I am starting a new life with a great job in a beautiful (so I am told) part of the country. I am not settling for anything, and that makes me happier than anything.

There are consequences. My stomach twists in knots each time a friend says “Don’t go.” Or when my boyfriend looks at me knowing our relationship will die in a matter of days. Or when my mom tells me she’ll miss me while I am in Idaho.

But I have to go, and everyone knows why and actually encourages me to do so. They know I need to spread my wings, and they are behind me a 100 percent, no matter how much they’ll miss me.

I am very fortunate that I have a built-in back up plan. The editor of the Argus believes I still have a future at that newspaper, and I agree. He wants me to go to Idaho because he understands my need to get out of South Dakota, but someday he wants me to come back and work for him. Who knows what will happen it Idaho, but it’s nice to know I have options if I hate it.

So tonight, I put my last Collegian to bed. Saturday, I graduated. And on May 30, I begin work at the Journal. May has the most life-changing moments of my life. That scares me, in a good way.