Deserving

“The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.”

After my last relationship, I made a pact to only let people into my life who deserved to be there. Men, friends and employers all fell under this umbrella that would block out anyone who didn’t help me be a better person. It was my first step into truly understanding who I was and embracing whoever that is.

This little rule became crucial when I moved back to South Dakota. In Idaho, friendships that needed to die did because of this new life and 1,800 miles. It was a relief to put some faces and names in my past because I believed I would never go back. Well, I did, and those faces and names were still there, so was the guilt from the quivering friendships that weren’t quite buried. To keep true to my pact, I would really need to focus on the good and true relationships and forget about any that caused an ounce a pain.

Last night, I was lying on my living room floor with five other people, curled up in every blanket and pillow I own. Several visitors created the opportunity for a sleepover, so we moved my furniture to the edges of the room and told stories that made us giggle to sleep. Amidst the goofiness, it occurred to me that not one of those five people had ever done or said anything that degraded me or brought me to tears. Rather, they soaked up the tears when they poured and assertively reminded me of the great I bring to the world. Last night, I was surrounded by people who deserve to be in my life.

I smiled as I finally gave into exhaustion and fell into a slumber. These five wonderful people gave me peace, but I also realized that being surrounded by truly loving people has become my standard.

Weeding out certain individuals and learning to let go of estranged friendships wasn’t easy, but for the first time in my life, most of my close social circle is comprised of people who inspire me to be the real me, to be the best I can. It’s the friends who promise to buy a copy of my first book or the ones who hold and pray with me when another has broken me. It’s the friends who laugh at my jokes and the ones who seek my advice. It’s the ones who just want me a part of their life that encourage, inspire and remind me. These are the people, along with my absolutely wonderful family, that make life worth living.

Making myself believe that I only deserve good people is hard, and sometimes I don’t, but I like who I am and the life I lead because positive people outnumber the negative ones. When problems and hurdles arise, they are much more manageable and those dreams don’t seem as far off.

A good friend and I were recently discussing happiness and how to achieve it. Not the happiness that comes when you get married, have a child, finish school, buy a house or lose that extra 10 pounds. But the happiness that is found in everyday life no matter location, marital status, career, belongings or financial stability – true happiness. To be happy with all that is front of me is a struggle, one I continue with, but surrounding myself with only uplifting people is tremendous in the pursuit of that achievement. I’m happy because of the people in my life.

Choosing only deserving people to live your life with is a life-long goal. You won’t completely fulfill it until your last breath. I’m getting better at letting go of unworthy friendships and relationships, yet I’m not perfect. However, I’m already such a better person just because of a pact I made two years ago. What’s more rewarding, is calling all these great people friends. Nothing in life is sweeter than that.